Saturday, February 28, 2009

Obituary: on the death of Common Sense

Good ol' Uncle Sandy again. I imagine this one's been around the barn a few times, but hey, it's OUR blog, and we get to post whatever we want. (That's what Web 2.0 is all about.)

I've cleaned up punctuation and deleted some stuff I didn't like, because hey, it's my blog. :) You can start a blog too - see the Create Blog link at top right. I'd never had a blog, until I started one. (Duh?)


An Obituary, purportedly from the London Times

Today we mourn the passing of a beloved old friend, Common Sense, who had
been with us for many years.

No one knows for sure how old he was - he'd been around as long as anyone could remember. He will be recalled as having cultivated such valuable lessons as:

  • When to come in out of the rain
  • The early bird gets the worm
  • Life isn't always fair
  • Maybe it was my fault.
Common Sense lived by simple, sound financial policies (don't spend more than you can earn) and reliable strategies (adults, not children, are in charge).

His health began to deteriorate rapidly when well-intentioned but overdone regulations were set in place. Reports of a 6-year-old charged with sexual harassment for kissing a classmate, teens suspended from school for using mouthwash after lunch, and a teacher fired for reprimanding a student worsened his condition.

Common Sense lost ground when parents attacked teachers for doing the job they themselves had failed to do in disciplining their unruly children.

He declined further when schools were required to get parental consent to administer sun lotion or an aspirin to a student, but could not inform parents when a student became pregnant.

Common Sense lost the will to live as churches became businesses and criminals sometimes received better treatment than their victims.

The onset of his final illness occurred when a woman placed a steaming cup of coffee between her legs, spilled it, and won a lawsuit about the consequences.

Common Sense was preceded in death by his parents, Truth and Trust, by his wife, Discretion, by his daughter, Responsibility, and by his son, Reason.

He is survived by four selfish stepbrothers: I Know My Rights, I Want It Now, It's His Fault, and I'm A Victim.

Not many attended his funeral because hardly anyone noticed he was missing.

If you remember him, pass this on. If not, join the crowd.

Friday, February 27, 2009

"Nothing ventured"

Here is an op-ed piece by Tim Koranda that just ran in the Orange County Register about paying people to do nothing.

New item on Denny's Menu

In honor of the mother of octuplets, Nadya Suleman, Denny's is offering the "Nadya" breakfast special:

It's 14 eggs, no sausage, and the guy in the next booth pays for it!

All, Tim Koranda is a college classmate of mine, whom I met only last year as a result of my being class secretary, so I write everyone several times a year. It's a cheesy way to get more email in my life, but it works.

Sunday, February 22, 2009

Why some senior drivers should be re-tested

This blog is about impatience. I get impatient with idiots of all stripes. So does evil Uncle Sandy in Stone Mountain.

But I love this. I so get the frustration and, well, impatience of just wanting to get OUT of there.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Swami Beyondananda's Guidelines for Millennial Enlightenment

I'd heard of this guy over the years, but this just showed up today on my ACOR cancer mailing list, and I laughed out loud about a dozen times. So here, happy Valentine's Day! From Swami Beyondananda:

1. Be a Fundamentalist--make sure the Fun always comes before the Mental. Realize that life is a situation comedy that will never be canceled. A laugh track has been provided, and the reason why we are put in the material world is to get more material for it.

2. Remember that each of us has been given a special gift, just for entering -- so you are already a winner!

3. The most powerful tool on the planet today is Tell-A-Vision. That is where I tell a vision to you, and you tell a vision to me. That way, if we don't like the programming we're getting, we can simply change the channel.

4. Life is like photography. You use the negative to develop.

5. It is true. As we go through life thinking heavy thoughts, thought particles tend to get caught between the ears, causing a condition called truth decay. So be sure to use mental floss twice a day. And when you're tempted to practice tantrum yoga,
remember what we teach in Swami's Absurdiveness Training class: *Don't get even, get odd.*

6. If we want world peace, we must let go of our attachments and truly live like nomads. That's where I no mad at you, you no mad at me. That way, there'll surely be nomadness on the planet. And peace begins with each of us. A little peace here, a little peace there, pretty soon all the peaces will fit together to make one big
peace everywhere.

7. I know great earth changes have been predicted for the future, so if you're looking to avoid earthquakes, my advice is simple. When you find a fault, just don't dwell on it.

8. There's no need to change the world. All we have to do is toilet train the world, and we'll never have to change it again.

9. If you're looking to find the key to the Universe, I have some bad news and some good news. The bad news is: there is no key to the Universe. The good news is: it has been left unlocked.